


Cruel and Unusual Punishment

by Inell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: HP: EWE, M/M, Off-Screen Blaise/Hermione, Reference to Blaise/Draco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 10:19:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2266080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inell/pseuds/Inell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron knew this was all part of a plan for revenge because Hermione was evil and a danger to the world</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cruel and Unusual Punishment

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Lokifan based on a request on my [September Challenge](http://inell.livejournal.com/834960.html) post on LJ.

This was cruel and unusual punishment. There had to be rules about this sort of thing, but Ron hadn’t ever paid any attention. He’d learned the main rules, of course, because those had been on his exams while he’d been in Auror training. That had been five years ago, though, and he’d slept many times since then. The only rule he really needed to know was: Thou Shalt Not Annoy Robards.

Unfortunately, he’d forgotten how close Hermione was with his boss. She worked in some boring old research job in the Department of Mysteries, but she interacted with the aurors a lot. When he’d made rude remarks about the smarmy git she was dating, he should have known to expect some sort of revenge. Hermione had just glared at him and smacked the back of his head when he’d called her boyfriend an arrogant Slytherin prat. 

The evil witch had probably been planning her retaliation during the rest of their dinner with Harry and had spent the remainder of the weekend making it the worst thing she could think of. He knew better than to cross Hermione, after all. She was scarily brilliant and could compete with the twins when it came to subtle forms of torturous revenge. The worst part was that she’d smile and nag and he’d convince himself that he was paranoid because she seemed so normal despite knowing she was probably cackling evilly while plotting his demise.

All right, that might just be a _tad_ overly dramatic but, at the moment, Ron could easily see her smirking while telling Zabini all about her revenge on him for daring to suggest the charming git just wanted to shag her. He hadn’t intended to be insulting, but sometimes words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. He’d known he’d done it again when Harry had shaken his head and muttered something about speaking at his funeral before trying to change the subject with talk about Ginny and how fat she was getting as she got closer to her due date. 

Ron had foolishly decided that Hermione’s reaction was just physical violence, since the smack had been pretty hard, and a smug smirk followed by the musing that perhaps she was the one using Zabini for amazing sex. That, to him, had probably been more traumatic than the smack since, despite their nearly yearlong relationship and the fact they’d shagged several times, he just tended to not think of Hermione as a sexual creature with those kinds of needs and desires. He’d choked on his Firewhiskey and she’d laughed, which he’d assumed had been the end of the awkward Ron Speaks Without Thinking Again moment.

How wrong he’d been.

When he came to work this morning, Robards had called him into the office and told him he had a temporary assignment that was going to take at least a week. Ron had felt smug, at first, because the temporary assignments were often more intricate or dangerous, so only the best of their ranks got those tasks. Robards had even mentioned that Shacklebolt himself thought Ron was the best for the job. In retrospect, that should have been his first clue. Thinking about it, Hermione might not have even bothered going to Robards, since their relationship was mostly professional and she might not have wanted to explain why she wanted to torment Ron. No, he’d bet she went straight to the bloody Minister of Magic, and Shacklebolt had to keep the brightest witch of their generation happy for fear of damage to his bollocks or her pulling a Riddle and trying to take over their world, so he’d agreed. That had to be it! Ron was even more irritated at that realization because it had been bad enough thinking she had Robards wrapped around her twisted little finger, but to know she could get to the Minister? No one was safe!

“If you’re constipated, Weasley, there’s a potion for that.”

Ron was pulled from his thoughts about all the damage Hermione could do to poor unsuspecting wizards with foot in mouth disease by an arrogant drawl that made him feel like someone was sticking needles in his eyes. He glared at Draco fucking Malfoy and wondered if he’d get in too much trouble if he was the one to kill the slimy git instead of the rogue Death Eater who had issued the recent threat. Since his assignment was to protect Malfoy, a fact that still made Ron want to puke, he figured he’d better not try it to find out.

“Now you look like a murderous constipated freckle,” Malfoy pointed out dryly. “You’re welcome to leave. I certainly didn’t request your presence.”

“I’ve been given my assignment, and I’m not ruining my success rate due to you, Malfoy,” Ron muttered. He did _not_ look like a freckle! “I’m to watch over you until Harry catches that Brimley bloke who sent you the owl.”

“I don’t know why the bloody Ministry had to get involved.” Malfoy scowled at him as if it was his fault. Ron was rather proud of himself for not speaking up, for once, and telling the arse that he didn’t care if Brimley carried out the threat or not. 

Ron stood up and started to pace, already feeling twitchy not having something to focus his attention on. “You shouldn’t have run to the aurors about the threat if you didn’t want us involved. Doesn’t matter if you’re a slimy git or not, we’re sworn to protect and all that bullshite.”

“I _never_ ran to the aurors, Weasley.” Malfoy snorted. “I can take care of myself far better than a bunch of Ministry buffoons.”

“If you didn’t report it, who did?” Ron turned to face Malfoy and frowned. “We had a copy of the note, and Harry even has a lead on this Brimley fellow, which is why Robards told me this shouldn’t last more than a week.”

Malfoy shrugged. “I don’t have any idea. I tossed the parchment in the rubbish after receiving it, and I only told Blaise about it because he was in my office at the time. I get notes like that all the time, so I don’t pay them any attention.”

Ron wasn’t too surprised that Malfoy was used to getting death threats. He was a cocky arse former Death Eater whose Mum had greatly contributed to the Dark Lord’s fall, much as Ron hated to admit it. His attention was mostly focused on one word in Malfoy’s story, and he cringed as he realized his paranoid thoughts of earlier might not have been so paranoid. “Don’t suppose you’ve done anything recently to make Zabini want payback?”

“Blaise is my best friend and business partner. We annoy each other on a daily basis.” Malfoy rolled his eyes. “There’s no reason that Blaise would ever dig in my rubbish bin for a note that would force me to deal with a bloody bodyguard for…fuck.”

“What?” Ron sat down at the chair by Malfoy’s desk and leaned forward. He loved a good mystery, even if it was an awful one messing with his life currently, and he wanted to put the pieces of this together to see if he was right about Hermione being an evil mastermind that needed watched for the safety of innocent redheads everywhere.

“He was rather livid on Friday,” Malfoy admitted, actually ducking his head and Ron could swear he was blushing. “I might have suggested that he bring Granger by so I could see if she was as good at sucking his cock as I was.” He cleared his throat and shrugged a shoulder. “I hadn’t realized he was serious about the crazy bint. It wasn’t like we hadn’t shared witches before, but I think he actually has _feelings_ for Granger, which is just nauseating.”

Ron was gaping at Malfoy. “You and Zabini? Hermione’s not a crazy bint. Should hex you for that but, well, I’m feeling generous cause I think she’s the reason we’re stuck in this mess. She was right bloody angry with me for suggesting Zabini was just after her for shagging, and, if Zabini was angry at you…well. Here we are.”

“That evil arsehole,” Malfoy said, glaring into the distance as if imagining inventive ways to make Zabini suffer. 

Ron wasn’t sure if any of them included sucking cock, which, Merlin, why was he still thinking about that? He didn’t care about Malfoy being a poofter. Wasn’t much of a surprise, really, and Ron had even, uh, experimented once or twice since his break up with Hermione. Blokes were good at cock sucking, and he could get a little rougher with them without worrying about his bollocks like he would have with Hermione. “Hermione can be very _persuasive_ when she wants to be, and I should have known she’d want more revenge than smacking me. She must really like Zabini if she’s giving me the one-two of physical violence and mental torture, though.”

“I’d rather not think about Granger having sex, especially with my occasional lover,” Malfoy told him, grimacing at the words he was saying. “This is just inconvenient. I’m going to have to find someone to replace Blaise in my bed, not that he’s been there very often in recent years, but I always knew I could owl him if I was horny.”

“Bloody hell, Malfoy. You’re more worried about your dick than you are about being stuck in this mess for a week,” Ron said, shaking his head. “Anyway, Hermione’s good in bed. The sex isn’t why we didn’t work out. You said you and Zabini shared partners before. Is that something he’s likely to force her into?”

Malfoy snorted. “I can’t see anyone forcing Granger into anything. If anything, I’m going to need to check Blaise’s neck when he comes into work tomorrow to see if he’s wearing a collar and she’s holding his lead. We shared witches, Weasley, because Blaise likes having me suck his cock while he’s eating out a juicy cunt, and he likes having me watch while he fucks her after. He’s an exhibitionist with an interest in all types of sexualities, while I’m a voyeur who likes cock. Strictly cock, these days. I tried the other, and it just doesn’t do it for me.”

Ron could feel his face warming up at Malfoy’s blunt way of talking about sex and his own likes. Ron hadn’t even talked that way with Harry, and Harry’s his best mate. He reckoned he was more like Zabini than he’d thought, since he liked birds and blokes, but he wasn’t sure he’d like sharing one with the other. That was something like Bill and Fleur might do, cause he knew they were into all kinds of sex things that he so didn’t want to know details about despite thinking Fleur was gorgeous. This was even more horrible than he’d thought it’d be because he was half-hard just from hearing Malfoy talk about sucking cock and, yeah, Ron had a good enough imagination to think about Zabini and Malfoy with Hermione in a way that he should be hexed for just thinking about.

“I’m going to, uh, check the parameter,” he said, knowing he’d be making a quick stop in the loo to take care of his not so little problem before checking the house again. He was glad Malfoy was working from home today because it meant he wasn’t in danger of running into anyone unless there was a House Elf running around. He got up from his chair and would deny jumping when Malfoy suddenly made a noise.

“What the hell do you have in your trousers, Weasley?” Malfoy had recovered from the odd gurgling noise he’d made and was now staring at Ron’s crotch like it held the secrets to the bloody universe.

That wasn’t helping his cock soften.

“I need to piss. I’m going to the loo then I’m checking the house,” he said, glaring at Malfoy for being such a wanker that he had to draw attention to Ron’s erection instead of being a stand up bloke and pretending it wasn’t there.

“You’re hard. Well, not fully, but I think I can take care of that,” Malfoy said, standing up and walking around the desk. He had a wicked smirk on his thin lips that also wasn’t helping Ron’s situation. “What did it? Was it thinking about Granger having sex? Was it thinking about Blaise fucking her? Was it thinking about watching them?” Malfoy blinked and lost his smirk a little. “Was it thinking about me sucking cock?”

“This isn’t funny.” Ron frowned and took a step back when Malfoy came closer.

“I’m not laughing.” Malfoy grinned then. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a nice big cock in my mouth? I don’t trust people, Weasley. I also have standards. I’m not going to a pub to find some slutty bloke who’ll let anyone suck his cock. You’re an annoying arsehole, and a bloody Weasley, but you’ve got what looks like a sizeable cock, so I’m willing to overlook those two unfortunate things in order to get that thing in my mouth. What do you say? I’m sure you’d enjoy having a Malfoy on his knees, probably thought about it plenty of times back at school.”

“You want to suck my dick?” Ron was immediately suspicious. Was this part of Hermione’s revenge? Get him to admit he wanted to see Malfoy’s face stuffed full of his cock then it turn out to be a joke? They didn’t even like each other, not that his dick seemed to mind too much.

“Let me taste you,” Malfoy said, reaching down to stroke his fingers across the crotch of Ron’s trousers. He shouldn’t have taken his robe off earlier. If he hadn’t done that, Malfoy wouldn’t have even noticed he was aroused, and, fuck, that felt good.

“Ask nicely,” he said, arching a brow and giving Malfoy a challenging look. He’d know if this was just a bloody joke if Malfoy actually did it because he couldn’t see it happening if it was all a prank.

Malfoy narrowed his beady little eyes, which, okay, they weren’t beady or little but actually a rather nice shade of pale grey that was almost blueish, and Ron shouldn’t really be paying attention to his eyes. “Please let me suck your cock, Weasley.”

The words were gritted out as if they were painful to say, but Malfoy had still said them. Ron swallowed and stared for another tense minute or two before he nodded. “Yeah, get on your knees and suck me, Malfoy.”

Malfoy wasted no time. He knelt right there by his desk and unzipped Ron’s trousers. He made an impressed noise when Ron’s dick was free, which made Ron stand a little straighter. He wasn’t one to compare such things, despite probably seeming the type, but he knew he was a good size. Thick and long, just a bit above average, and he figured Malfoy liked it. Ron shifted around so he could lean against the edge of the desk and spread his legs a bit so Malfoy had more room.

“You’ve got a great cock, Weasley. I want it in my arse later,” Malfoy said, smirking when Ron gasped at his words. “Now, though, I want to suck you until you forget everything but how good it feels, then you’re going to come in my mouth. If you make a mess, you’re licking it up. Time for a taste.”

Ron watched Malfoy lean forward and lick at the head of his dick, tasting him slowly like he was wine or something. He bit his lip to keep from giggling at the idea of Malfoy swishing his come around like Muggles did with wine on the telly. There was no thought of giggling when Malfoy licked him from tip to base, taking time to introduce himself to Ron’s ball sack and sucking on it, rolling his bollocks around in his mouth in a way that no one else had ever done.

Malfoy licked his way back up Ron’s shaft before swirling his tongue around the head. “Tastes good. Better than I thought a Weasley would taste.” Malfoy smirked at him, so Ron reached down to tangle his fingers in blond hair and tugged him forward, rubbing his dick all over Malfoy’s face.

“Suck me.” Ron noticed the way Malfoy’s eyelids fluttered at the command and decided that it had been the right thing to do. He took control after that, guiding his dick into Malfoy’s mouth and keeping hold of his hair. Malfoy sucked him down like he was a sugarquill, slurping and licking and making noises that caused vibrations to spread through Ron’s dick. If Zabini was willing to give this up, Hermione must have improved a lot at her own technique because Malfoy was bloody smashing at this.

Ron felt a finger against his arse and tensed. He hadn’t done any of that before, refusing even when Hermione’d presented him with an article about prostate stimulation and suggested they try it. Of course, at that time, he hadn’t known blokes got him hard, too. He bucked his hips forward, listening to Malfoy choke around his dick before he eased up, pulling out and trying to relax when that long finger once again brushed against his hole. It felt weird going in and moving around, but Malfoy was sucking and licking even more, so Ron figured it was a fair trade.

Fucking hell! Ron’s eyes widened when Malfoy rubbed against something in his arse that made him see stars. Ron started to fuck his face, looking down and watching as his bollocks bounced against that pointy chin and those thing lips spread around the girth of his dick. Malfoy was taking him into his throat, doing stuff with his mouth that Ron had only ever read about in the dirty magazines he’d found under Charlie’s bed when he hadn’t even known what his dick was meant for. There was no way he could last longer. His orgasm hit him, and he grunted as he came, sending several shots of come into Malfoy’s mouth.

Malfoy pulled back and aimed Ron’s dick at his face in time for another shot or two to spray onto his skin. Ron remembered his earlier promise and groaned. Trust a Slytherin to play dirty. Not that he cared all that much right now. He’d swear Malfoy sucked some of his brains out through his dick with how empty headed he felt right now. Sated and relaxed and a little sleepy, too. Before Malfoy could say anything smug to ruin his mood, Ron leaned down to lick his own come off Malfoy’s face. It tasted salty and thick against his tongue, and some of it had dripped on Malfoy’s lips, so that led to a kiss that had him pulling Malfoy up and shoving him against the desk hard. When Ron reached into Malfoy’s trousers, he was surprised to find a wet sticky mess instead of an erection.

“Don’t say a word, arsehole,” Malfoy warned in between frantic kisses and nipping bites. He’d come in his trousers without even touching himself, something that made Ron smile even as they attacked each other’s faces. When they finally pulled apart, Ron licked his fingers, tasting Malfoy. Wasn’t much different from his own taste, maybe a little saltier. Malfoy was staring at him as he licked, and Ron felt his dick twitch a few times in interest at the look in his eyes.

“Not bad for an obnoxious git,” he said, deliberately licking his finger and sucking it into his mouth in a way that would have made him blush if not for the fact Malfoy was practically drooling.

“Wait until you taste it from the source, Weasley.” Malfoy smirked. “I’m going upstairs to shower then I want that cock in my arse. Hurry up or I’ll have to owl your boss and tell him you’re failing at your task of guarding my body.”

“I think it’s better for your safety if you work from home all week.” Ron flashed his own smirk at Malfoy’s arched brow. “Easier to contain you here, and I’d hate for someone to walk in and catch you on your knees in your office. After all, that’s where you’re going to be a lot for the next few days, Malfoy.”

“Will wonders never cease? A Weasley with a good idea. I’m shocked.” Malfoy snorted. “I’ll do whatever is deemed necessary for my protection, Weasley. And it’s Draco. I’ve had your dick in my mouth, so I think we should move past childhood animosity now.”

“I still don’t like you, Draco.” Ron pointed out with a grin. “Call me Ron, of course. I’m glad to hear you’re taking your well-being so seriously. As an auror, it’s my responsibility to protect you and make sure your body stays safe and unharmed.”

“Don’t take your job too seriously, Ronald. Bruised but not broken is perfectly acceptable,” Malfoy-no, it’s Draco now- said. “Follow me. You know, there’s an open position for lover now that Blaise has moved on to Granger in a serious way. We’ll have to see how this week goes, and I might find you worthy of the position. You can even shag women sometimes, so long as I get to watch and play, too.”

Ron snorted as he followed Draco, but his mind was already running through the implications of filling that position. If this went well over the next few days, well, he might have to take back his earlier accusations about Hermione because he could very easily see _this_ being her objective all along. Find him and Draco something to entertain themselves with so they stop meddling with her and Zabini, and she knew about his interest in blokes, cause he couldn’t keep any secrets from her, and he figured Zabini felt the same. So, yeah, he might end up having to thank her for this, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried about her trying to take over the world one day. As long as he was on her side, though, what did he really care? Right now, he had a hot blond wizard waiting to get his arse fucked hard, and that was a hell of a lot more important than Hermione’s plans for world domination.

End


End file.
